misunderstood

more often than not, i always find myself in the most un--(fill in the blanks) situations. and to say unfortunate is an understatement.

sometimes, as much as i would want to explain, nobody would even give a damn chance. but if i would just remain quiet, it would just add to the flame.

i knew from the start whatever i entered will lead complications to both of our lives. and i took the risk. both of us knew that people will never understand...and our situation will be the perfect epitome of what the word 'uncoventional' really means.

there were times i would get jealous because of the lack of attention from him. kapag marami siyang time for other people, tapos hindi kami magkatext o magkauspa o magkasama. ganun din siya, kapag hindi ko siya naasikaso, nakakamusta, bigla nang magtatanong at magtataka.

yes. seloso na kung seloso..kahit sa kaibigan, sobrang seloso ako. pero naman kapag bumawi ito, panalo talaga! there were even bonding moments that are memorable though we dont do anything special at all. that's how it goes.

what we have is not the usual barkada bonding, or gimikero connection. whenever we talk, it's always personal level. something people find weird.

there were moments i wish i could carry the tunes he's singing...the crazy culture and world of the malate ..the ins and outs of dating, fashion, and living the life of the alphamales. that's fine with me. but i also have my own tunes to sing.

my world is not really the typical world for PLU's...nerdy at times, i appreciate serious films, i go for lyrics than melodies, i go for personal level talks than spending hard earned moolah for intoxicating drinks. a friend of mine once said, im too old for my age, while he, is too young for his age. minsan sabi niya, kung pwede raw i could act for my age. ibinalik ko rin sa kaniya yun at nagkatawanan na lang kami. nagpapaka-mature kasi ako, at siya naman, nageenjoy sa happy-go-lucky-life.

for other people, those were the perfect combination for a future disaster. what they dont know, and fail to see, is that the connection that we have, the differences that we have, is the same reason that connects us together. we may be world's apart in everything, but one thing that cannot be questioned, i am a part of him, and he is a part of me...

in ways people will never imagine could exist. some will always think it is romantic. at this point in our lives, we don't see anything romantic in our connection at all. we are connected, but not romantically.

he is my kuya. i am his bunso. people may not understand, but that's how it goes.

we love each other, but, we are not in love with each other.

one thing i'll never be ashamed to admit, is the fear of losing him. not physicallly losing him. what im referring to is seeing him go astray. matigas din naman kasi ang ulo nito, just like me. at times, nagkakaroon ng matinding friction kapag nagkakaroon ng argument, but that is inevitable..

pareho kasi kaming hindi marunong makinig at ipinagpipilitan ang gusto kahit alam naming mali.

and what im telling right now is not just for myself. ganito rin siya. kapag masyado akong nade-defocus sa priorities sa buhay, asahan na ang coaching session over a cup of coffee or over yosi...na may kasamang boljak at minsan kinukutusan pa. wala nang sugar coated stuff. plakda kung plakda. one rule that we always implement--we don't need to be politically correct to just put our message across.

i knew from the start whatever i entered will lead complications to both of our lives. and i took the risk. both of us knew that people will never understand...and our situation will be the perfect epitome of what the word 'uncoventional' really means.

we are aware that our connection will always be surrounded by judgments. we are well aware of that.

yes, we took the risk and welcomed each other in our own lives.

and it was really worth it.


pardon the rant
but whenever someone close to you
someone you really consider close to your heart
would do something behind your back
tapos magiisip ng masama
at hindi ka kakausapin about it
what would you feel?
im sure you would totally understand.
the painful part of it
he was there all along.
of all the persons around
siya yung least na ine-expect ko
na magiisip at gagawa ng ganun
sa aming dalawa.